It is not just some famous quote but a universal truth that ‘your body hears everything that your mind says.’ Even though reading this will lead you to think “that’s a good thing, right?” we would like to inform “no, not necessarily.” Negative self-talk is not good because our subconscious mind is always on the run. There is always some dialogue going about a particular situation you have faced or will face soon.
In this article, I will be discussing in detail the downside of negative self-talk. It is a vast topic and needs to be analyzed thoroughly. Creating awareness about what negative self-talk is and the toxic effects will solve many issues that are becoming very common. Getting to know how to overcome all the negativity created by your inner critic will help you understand how to recognize it in the first place.
How to Tackle Negative Self-Talk
We will also be reviewing the ten types of negative self-talk and how you can gradually change these habits into positive self-talk. Moreover, it is not you who is affected; your family, friends, loved ones, and professional relationships also experience adverse effects because of the destructive mindset.
The drastic impact of negative self-talk does not end there; if you are a new entrepreneur trying to develop an online business, you MUST know that negative self-talk will influence your corporal progress. You will feel low and de-motivated. At the worst times, your inner critic may worsen. “I am just not cut out for such business” or “I don’t get along with people; digital business is not my thing” are some of such mental musings that may convince you to back off from your new venture.
But there’s nothing to worry as long as you know how to tackle your brain workings. With practice, you can get the hang of how negative self-talk initiates and ways you can consciously commit yourself to divert your thoughts to be rational and helpful.
What is Negative Self Talk?
We may not realize it, but self-talk is something that comes naturally to human beings. It’s alright to have a conversation with yourself. Your inner critic is a companion that can help you keep a check on your goals or accomplishments. But this inner voice is not always helpful. There are times when the little voice will prevent you from eating healthy. On the other hand, the same little voice will regularly beat you up for having being called to the boss’s office until you realize it was not for a mistake you were imagining.
This ‘negative self-talk’ proves to be extremely harmful, especially when it is inclined towards self-defeating and unrealistic scripts. In recent years, it has been observed that more than 10 % of people fall into depression every year (this figure belongs to the U.S. population). This high level of depression is because our self-talk is borderline negative and dispiriting. It’s like we become suicidal at times because these thoughts are left unchecked for a long time and exceed rational limits.
Storytelling is a part of improving your business communication skills. It also helps in maintaining good relationships with your fellows, colleagues, and clients. Similarly, self-talk serves the same purpose- it determines your growing perception of who you are, how you see yourself through others’ eyes, and how it affects your self-confidence.
To be successful in the digital online world, you need to change your perception of yourself. According to AMA’s course, Developing Effective Business Conversation Skills, damaged self-confidence can reveal too much about your personality and, in turn, influence how others perceive you, which can affect your self-image.
Now let us dive into the consequences that one has to face when your inner demon is producing negative narratives about you and your life.
Consequences of Negative Self Talk
Needless to say, negative self-talk is like a parasite living within yourself that slowly tears you down, leaving behind an image of a defeated person. It will prove to be an inhibition, limitation, and a hurdle from pursuing your professional goals.
Such events can lead to serious mental health problems if you keep focusing on negative thoughts. Stress, anxiety, and feeling of helplessness are the primary outcomes of negative inner criticism. Before you or anyone you know fall victim to negative self-talk, read about all the consequences attached to it.
Stress
We all know that it’s interlinked with negativity. Whether you’re cynical about yourself or seeing that perception building up in someone else’s mind, you’re doomed. It robs you of peace of mind and emotional well-being. Your mind plays games with you by altering reality to create an experience where you find yourself unable to achieve your goals.
Inability to see Opportunities
If your mind is in a haze of a negative self-image, it wouldn’t be able to identify the opportunity that lies in front of you. Even if you can, you would think of it as “I can’t.” Also, the affected person may experience a decreased tendency to capitalize on these opportunities.
Limited Thinking
The saying ‘you are confined only by the walls you build yourself,’ couldn’t be more accurate. The more you think you can’t achieve that goal you’ve set, the more you believe it and the more failures you face.
Perfectionism
The pettiness of what could have been rather than focusing on what you achieved is a result of contradictory self-talk. You believe that a ‘great’ report is not as good as a ‘perfect’ one. You tend to split your hair strand by strand until there’s nothing left. So high achievers are people who remain less stressed and are pleased with a good result rather than a perfect one.
Problems in a Relationship
The negative self-talk takes a toll on people around you as well. Whether it’s a contract you’re about to sign or getting married to your beloved, self-criticism makes you look needy and insecure. Negative self-talk leads to a stressed, aggravated attitude towards your professional and personal relationship.
You might question yourself what if the inner critic in me is real? To be honest, it doesn’t matter. Just like a negative person always feels disappointed in the end, a negative thought or mental dialogue will lead to harmful consequences.
Cognitive Distortions – Unrealistice or Inaccurate Explanations
It’s nothing complicated, rather a psychological name for unhelpful self-talk that makes us feel bad about yourself regularly. Cognitive distortions can also be described as unrealistic or inaccurate explanations for whatever events occur in our lives that result in a pessimist approach due to negative emotions and moods. Following are the types of negative self-talk:
Ten Types of Negative Self Talk
Labeling
The habit of interpreting yourself or others in an extreme manner which is usually unfavorable. People (including ourselves) tend to label themselves inaccurately if they fail to perform a task. If you were unable to convince your target client at a business meeting, your inner critic would say, “I am a loser!”
Personalizing
This is the act where you presume having excessive amounts of responsibility, particularly for things that are out of your control. When you assume that you are responsible for everything and anything, you tend to have excessive attempts at control, resulting in stress and anxiety.
Mind Reading
The majority of people think of themselves as mind readers, which leads them to get the idea that they understand what the other person is thinking. This is unrealistic and without any evidence. Mind reading is said to be a failure of imagination. For instance, your boss is continuously looking at the phone during a presentation you’re conducting; your immediate mental reaction will be “He’s bored. I shouldn’t have volunteered for this”.
Over Generalization
This is quite an everyday habit. You keep telling yourself that the crisis you’ve faced will occur again somehow, but it is bound to happen in the future. The things (specifically isolated pieces of evidence) that take place in present force our minds to over-generalize and make predictions. Just like when your flight gets delayed, your mind says: “This has become a pattern. My flight always gets delayed.”
Magnification
The habit of amplifying a little flaw or error of your personality and assuming it to result in a huge disaster. Magnification is as typical as mind reading. Overthinking about a small event such as sudden heart palpitation and intensifying it as a heart attack or emergency is a widespread cognitive distortion.
Minimization
The counterpart of magnification, where you belittle your positive qualities and strengths and are dismissive of them. Negative self-talk about your real positive qualities prevents you from benefiting from them and are responsible for your career or personal deterioration. For example, after giving an excellent presentation, you may self-talk saying anyone could have done it; I didn’t exactly achieve what I wanted.
Should Statements
This is the self-talk where you try to motivate yourself by always instructing and telling oneself what action should or should not be taken. There is no problem with it unless the ‘should statements’ turn into false expectations. Life’s decisions are not clear cut; you will find uncertainty, ambiguity, and unique risks attached to them.
Emotional Reasoning
When our negative self-talk convinces you to make decisions based on your emotions or mood rather than your values and beliefs.
Thinking in Black and White
When your frame of mind changes in a manner that you start evaluating things in terms of extreme categories.
Fortune Telling
The tendency to predict what will happen based on little or no real evidence. Without being logical about a situation, we make imaginary conclusions that are mostly negative.
Since we have determined all the types of negative self-talk that can exist in our gray matter, we must find a solution to silence the inner critic sitting comfortably in our head. There are several ways we can shift from a negative mental commentary to a positive one, and for a budding entrepreneur, this is the key to a successful business relationship. Therefore, you’re about to find out some useful strategies to help challenge your inner critic and ways to silence it once and for all:
Ask Questions
Asking questions is where you start challenging the habit of negative self-talk. Once you try to find a dispute within your gloomy musings, you will begin to challenge the inner critic that makes everything look exaggerated and unfavorable.
In short, there are four main types of questions that will help you in transforming the negativity, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Reality Testing Questions
This category focuses on finding evidence or logic behind the negative self-talk. Ask yourself: “What is the evidence that proves if my thinking is true or false?” or “Is it too soon to jump to negative conclusions?”
Alternative Explanations Questions
Probe into your negative beliefs and search for some clarification by self-interrogation such as: “What else could this mean?” or “If I look at this with a positive mindset, how would I perceive it?”
Proper Perspective Questions
For instance, have a dialogue insisting on “Is this situation atrocious, or am I mentally exaggerating?” or “Am I going to worry this much about the situation five years from now?”
Goal-directed Questions
You must determine by questioning your motivation to achieve your goals. “Will my negative thoughts help me feel good or positively accomplish my task?” or “What should I do to solve this problem?” These ruminations will prove to be beneficial in conquering negative thoughts and the first step towards positive criticism.
Six Ways to Minimize Your Negative Self-Talk
We have discussed how you can become aware of your negative self-talk. Then we explained useful questions that you can use to combat your negative self-talk. So now, we are going to give you actionable ideas to minimize your negative self-talk.
Be Viligently Aware of Your Thoughts
You have to keep a check on your inner critic and when he/she starts narrating negative scripts. Catch yourself red-handed when you observe that you’re unnecessarily self-critical and pause right there. It is a little tricky, though. Because much of our thinking is involuntary and tends to happen so fast that we barely notice when we move on to the next thought, it might be a negative one.
Thus maintaining control over your emotions and actions need vigilance. If you’ve started the mental dialogue already, stop for a moment and ponder over the fact that if you will ever say such things to a good friend or a child. You can also search for examples of negative self-talk in other people’s speech. Not because you want to change their habit but to identify in our thinking and inner-dialogue.
Do Not Replay Your Mistakes/Bad Experiences in Your Head
Being an entrepreneur, you would know more about your nature of inner critic. Any sort of bad experience or a decision that did not meet the expectations can put your mind to unrest. Change the negativity of your self-talk to neutrality as a first step.
Don’t beat yourself for what could have happened. Focus on the good aspects. Try to think like a friend or a winning coach. Deal with flaws, grasp the idea and move on. The negative inner critic in you can be tempted to replay all the bad events, highlighting the most disliked parts of it. But you should avoid such repeating episodes.
Disasters happen, but learning a lesson should be the only concerning thing. The best action in this course will be to turn all negatives into positives. Instead of targeting past decisions that went wrong, focus on future prospects, and new choices that have to be made. Engage yourself in some physical activity to charge and motivate both your mind and body.
Another step could be to talk inside your head like you would to your most sincere friend. You cannot imagine being harsh on them and say hurtful things, so when those thoughts start pouring in, imagine your treasured friend in front of you and divert the negativity to positivity.
Give Your Inner Critic a Funny Nickname
A nickname is mainly to separate the critic from you. When you consider them a part of your authentic self, that’s when things get out of control. No human is born with an inner critic. A young child never thinks wrong of herself even if she breaks a glass.
The learning and influence from the outside world, bad experiences, and false expectations from other people become an internal part of our personality. When you become familiar with the idea that your inner critic is an outside force that needs to be checked, there will be lesser negativity.
Give it a funny nickname to separate it from your real identity. In this way, you will get to see how irrational and inaccurate your inner critic can be. And that it’s not always your genuine thoughts and emotions that judge/belittle you.
Focus On Your To-Do List and Deal with the Next Task
Distracting you from your mission is what the inner critic thrives on doing. Stop procrastinating and finish what you start. Your brains sometimes feel elated when thinking of future responsibilities or prospects. Stop right there and pay attention to the tasks at hand.
Focusing on your present will improve future possibilities. Obsessing over events that will happen after weeks or months will throw you off from the right path. If you are determined to tackle your next ongoing task, your inner dialogues will quiet down and stop fussing over things that may or may not happen over time. Instead, you will deliver high performance with all sections of your brain set on doing the ongoing project.
Replace the Critic
Since you’ve got your worst enemy sitting in your head, you need an equally strong counteractive measure to stop it from messing around. Learn and try to build an ally in your mind that will promptly reply to every negative dialogue that your inner critic brings up. You need to grow an inner voice who acts like a caring friend.
Our brain works like this; it finds evidence for whatever is being said. If you say “I’m a loser at conducting meetings,” your mind will immediately start filtering and actively look for evidence that supports the theory. For that inner ally to grow stronger, you need to initiate positive thoughts about your qualities and strengths. This is also a very important step to achieving a growth mindset.
Contradict your negative self-talk with constructive inner dialogue. You will realize how fruitful it would be. Talking back and engaging with your critical being will take away the power from it and help you gain control over these contradictive thoughts.
This makes me think of the picture below. The one that you feed the most is the one that will win. So feed your ally more than you feed your critic.
Be Intentional Instead of Habitual with Self-Criticism
Self-criticism can be very productive and accurate if you utilize it in the right way. Instead of making it your gut reaction, analyze yourself when you intend to. Avoid bashing yourself immediately at the moment.
Understand what you’re capable of rather than outright judging yourself without giving any space or deliberate thought. This only increases the burden. Take out some meditative time to perform in-depth analysis about your flawed performance- either by journaling it or talking to a trusted person who can help you grow.
There are several more ways to minimize the toxic effects of negative self-talk. But all of them need determination and focus. Fighting the negativity inside your head is a huge challenge. But you have to have a belief that conquering it is not impossible.
Conclusion
Budding business people must know that positive self-talk is the key to doing great business. Years of wrong beliefs result in a damaged self-image, which harms important decisions and relationships. If you fail at a certain point in your career, you should not take it as the final verdict. Self-check is essential but not to the extreme. Be aware of the negative thoughts and replace them with positive to become a successful executive in the digital corporate world. Continue to challenge yourself because the negative self-talk can and will increase the more your feed it.
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